Mark Wahlberg
John

Seth MacFarlane
Ted (voice)

Amanda Seyfried
Samantha

Jessica Barth
Tami-Lynn

Giovanni Ribisi
Donny

Morgan Freeman
Patrick Meighan

Sam J. Jones
Sam J. Jones

Patrick Warburton
Guy

Michael Dorn
Rick

Bill Smitrovich
Frank

John Slattery
Shep Wild

Cocoa Brown
Joy

John Carroll Lynch
Tom Jessup

Ron Canada
Judge

Liam Neeson
Customer

Dennis Haysbert
Fertility Doctor

Patrick Stewart
Narrator (voice)

Tom Brady
Tom Brady

Jay Leno
Jay Leno

Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel

Kate McKinnon
Kate McKinnon

Bobby Moynihan
Bobby Moynihan

Taran Killam
Taran Killam

Sebastian Arcelus
Dr. Ed Danzer

Jay Patterson
Karl Jackson

Steve Callaghan
Comic

Nana Visitor
Adoption Agent

Maggie Geha
Female Nurse

Jessica Szohr
Allison

Craig Ricci Shaynak
Blind Guy

Lexi Atkins
Waitress

Jack Knight
Todd Kidder

Lauren Sánchez
Boston Newscaster

William Xifaras
Boston Neighbor

Julius Sharpe
NYC Doctor

Alec Sulkin
Obi-Wan

Ralph Garman
Stormtrooper

Becki Dennis
Receptionist

Michael Trisler
Cyclist

David Goldman
Pundit

Ronobir Lahiri
Pundit

Barry Ratcliffe
Pundit

Chris Regan
Pundit

Nefetari Spencer
Pundit

Wellesley Wild
Pundit

Lenny Clarke
Cop (Boston PD)

Rachael MacFarlane
Meighan Assistant

Christy Scott Cashman
Reporter

Joseph J. Micucci
Nerd (Wedgie)

Johnny Alves
Security Guard

Dustin Ybarra
Borg

Matthew J. Walters
Hellboy

John Viener
Police Dispatcher

Kate B. O'Brien
Diner Waitress

Billy Concha
Bachelor Party Guest

Tara Strong
Ted Toy (voice)

Tiffany
Tiffany

Brittany O'Connor
Cake Girl (uncredited)

Julie Schmid
Piano / Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Rose Wakesho
Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Katie McCabe
Hot Comic Con Girl (uncredited)

Alexandra Creteau
Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Kt Baldassaro
Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Anissa Borrego
Flash Girl (uncredited)

John Franchi
Bar Patron (uncredited)

Lexie Contursi
Piano / Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Nea Dune
Comic Con Attendee (uncredited)

Enku Gubaie
Wedding Guest (uncredited)

London Hall
Reporter (uncredited)

Isabella Sanchez
Comic Con Booth Girl (uncredited)

Elizabeth Pollard
Fairy at Comic Con (uncredited)

Tina Grimm
Comic Con Booth Girl (uncredited)

Anna Maiche
Kissing Couple (uncredited)

Kandiss Lewis
Scat Pack Girl #2 (uncredited)

Toi'ya Leatherwood
Ginger Girl (uncredited)

Christopher Weigel
Well Wisher (uncredited)

Zola Williams
Dancer (uncredited)

Noelle Trudeau
Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Lance Norris
Wedding Guest (uncredited)

Susan Garfield
Woman at Diner (uncredited)